I have a TV. But it is not wired to a cable or satellite or aerial – I gave up on TV when I escaped Massachusetts in October 2010. Spending $350 a month to pay for a load of channels that I never watched was ludicrous, so when ai arrived in Austin, I vowed “never again!”

Nor do I read newspapers. But I do read news websites. I subscribed to the WSJ when I bought my first iPad, and when the renewal came around I decided that I had given enough to Rupert Murdoch. It was rather a challenge, but I did manage to turn that leaky tap off.

Like Barack Obama, I therefore keep being caught off-guard by “events, dear boy, events!” as Harold MacMillan described the daily stuff.

Work-wise, mind you, I go find problems. Because of you don’t, they find you at the most inopportune moments. Then again, I do care about my company, employees, customers, partners and products.

Perhaps this explains why Obama has a spox who tells lies for him, for a living. The spox knows what the problems are going to be, often because he is tipped off by his friends in the media.

If Jay Carney was President, despite being a despicable socialist, and a lying journalist to boot, at least he would know what was happening in the world before his flunkey turned on the TV of a morning. And then he would come out and tell us his lies personally. Think how much money we could save.

Jay Carney for President!